When I Am Weak: Humidity and Humility

On the cool tiles - he’s got the right idea. I do the same sometimes!

It’s 4 showers a day kind of stuff.

I never owned a record player, and my dad’s was rarely used. But whether or not you’re old / hipster enough to have familiarity with one, you probably know the expression, “sounding like a broken record”. And I fear that that is me talking about the heat! Every time someone asks me how I’ve been getting on / how my day’s been / what it’s been like being back in the Gambia, it’s impossible not to talk about the most unrelenting pressure that I feel pretty constantly pretty much every day… The HEAT! The horrendously humid heat…

I really do hate the thought that I might come across as whiney or complaining. That would be inexcusable. God has been so, so good and generous to me in countless ways. Nevertheless, this is certainly a trial!

Please know that I don’t want to make you pity me. I fight against the pride of self-pity and don’t need you to make it harder! Rather, I want to take this opportunity to boast in my weakness.

Boasting in weakness

I get my cue from another. Far from the triumphalism and bravado of many so-called ‘apostles’ in the African church today, the Apostle Paul endured a huge amount of suffering, just like the Lord Jesus whom he served. It could have made him a laughing-stock compared to the worldly impressive ‘super-apostles’ out there preaching a different message. But Paul was glad to brag about not his strength or success but his weakness.

“[After listing many difficulties and hardships…] Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” (2 Corinthians 11:29-30)

He mocked his snooty opponents by boasting as they did, but about his sufferings and weakness! Because it revealed the genuineness of his ministry and, more than that, it pointed to the sufficient grace of Christ -

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [a particularly painful trial] away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (12:8-10)

What extraordinary words.

Now - I’m really not suffering like Paul! Or like so many of Jesus’ people around the world today. I’m not suffering (many) insults (at least not to my face!) and I’m not being persecuted. So what am I going on about? Well, I certainly am experiencing “weaknesses” and “difficulties”! And I do believe that, like Paul did, I can testify to God’s sufficient grace and all-surpassing power in this mini trial, in a way that I hope will magnify Christ Jesus - make him look bigger and me smaller.

Earlier in this letter of Paul, he described us in our weakness as “jars of clay”, the then equivalent to plastic or paper bags - they serve a purpose but are weak and easily broken. Why has God made us like that? “…we have this treasure [the ministry of the gospel] in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (4:7)

If I weren’t struggling like I am, aware of how weak I am, then I might be tempted to think I’ve got a measure of impressive ability about myself. I really don’t! I’m just a plastic bag. So I too can “delight in my weaknesses”, as I battle with the heat, because it shows that the power that creates anything of any value through my pathetic efforts is clearly from God and not from me! It’s humbling - in a very, very good way.

What’s the big deal?

“Can it really be that bad?”, I hear my cynical British reader thinking… Do I need to just “man up”? I don’t believe so.

We all have different capacities, physically and emotionally. And I’m being honest when I say that this heat drastically reduces my physical energy and emotional strength. I don’t think I’m alone in that.

Maybe you’ve enjoyed sunny holidays to the Med or somewhere, and you’ve loved the temperature being in the 30ºs each day. I have too. There are at least 3 significant differences between that and my current experience:

1. Humidity - in the dry season here it can get up in to the 40ºs. You know it’s hot when that happens. But somehow you’re still able to function. Now, however, the humidity (usually > 80% / 90%) somehow makes the heat stick to you in a horribly unforgiving way. And it just saps out your energy. 
2. Duration - one tends to enjoy such a holiday for a week or so, not months and years. 
3. Activity - on such a holiday, I’m happy to achieve little more than maybe surf, read a few book chapters and go on a couple of strolls (call me middle-aged…). Here, I’m actually trying to live and work, plus with the added pressures of doing so cross-culturally. 

Furthermore, there is just something about the African sun. On paper/screen, 35º (usual daily temp at the moment) might not sound too bad. But the sun is intense here. Much more so than in the UK. Combine that with the humidity and it’s tough. (At night it’s usually equally humid and no lower than 25º - i.e. a hot summer’s day in England!)

(As I type it’s 10.30pm [now cool enough to write!], 27º, RealFeelTM 34º, humidity 88%.)

I’m encouraged that I’m not being totally pathetic by people here struggling too. Maybe this is an area where Gambians and Brits aren’t so dissimilar - whatever the weather, we’ll complain! Here, in “winter”, when it gets down to low 20ºs, it’s talked about as unbearably cold! Someone said to me recently here that the weather in the Gambia is extreme - extreme heat and extreme cold. I had to correct him on one of those!!

People do talk about October as being the worst. Mama dreads it all year. (“Oh October...”) People console me with regretful expression on their faces, “It’s October now…” 

Is it worth it?

I know of two missionary couples who decided they couldn’t stay in the Gambia because of the heat. One couple went to Kenya instead. One couple returned to the UK. I’m thankful that God seems to have made me in such a way that I’m not quite thinking like that. But I am struggling! My productivity would appear to be dramatically lower than in the UK. When the heat is like this, I keep my expectations low. I aim for just one thing per day - a meeting with an individual; a couple of hours of preparation on something; a trip out combining a few errands. That’s a lot less than I would hope for per day in the UK! It’s humbling!

But is it really worth it? All the cross-cultural preparation and ongoing learning, all the finances generously given by people, all the emotional energy, all the relational sacrifices…

Example - the other day, I was due to meet a brother to read the Bible together. It’s a great privilege to have a relationship with him where I can do that. He’s in a tough situation, he teaches me a huge amount about his cultural and religious background and I’m able to teach him a bit about Jesus. I had also hoped to do lots of other things like write a few letters, run a few errands, make some phone calls to people back home, and look over teaching material for a class tomorrow. I had to cancel all those plans. After spending time with this friend and sharing lunch together, the sun was at its hottest and I just had no energy left. I struggled through half a book chapter and then gave up. The rest of the day was a write-off! Humbling!

Is it worth it??

I think so. I believe that productivity ultimately is not about quantifiable results but about stewarding God’s gifts for the good of others for God’s glory. And I haven’t come here on a whim. It was years of praying, discussing, planning, all with many and varied counsellors. And so even if my measurable outcomes seem relatively small, I do believe that, all by God’s grace, they’re making a small contribution to an important and urgent need. I really need people to encourage me with that though - as a dear friend recently did - otherwise, at times, I’ll be tempted to pack my bags!

The purpose of weakness

So it all makes me very aware of how weak I am. One thing a day?! Pretty weak. But oh the joy of knowing that my weakness is not only permitted by God, but that it even glorifies him! My weakness displays Jesus’ sufficient grace and surpassing power all the more. So, as long as that happens, I delight in my weakness in this heat.

And, paradoxically, thinking like this enables me truly to be strong! “When I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor.12:10) True strength is thus not about physical endurance or emotional resilience, but about looking away from myself in my weakness, and looking instead to Jesus - the source of sufficient grace and surpassing power.

In honesty, do you feel weak? May you too know the strengthening blessing of accepting your weakness, and committing it to being for God’s glory. May your weakness, like mine, display Jesus’ sufficient grace and surpassing power.