28 Thoughts on a Biblical Theology of Race

I’ve just finished reading From Every People and Nation: A Biblical Theology of Race (Apollos, 2003) by J. Daniel Hays. It’s under 250 pages, but it took me about 6 months to complete. I’m not fussed by that. I’ve come to believe in slow reading. I personally like to have at least three or four books on the go at once, of very different types. One or two easy-readers (for me, normally biographies or travel books), for bed-time or beach-time, one or two more stretching theological books on different topics (to be read sitting at a desk with a pen), and maybe something else different. That way, whatever the occasion, moment, mood, there’s something appropriate to read. Anyway, I digress.

Any thoughtful Bible reader will be aware that the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ is God over all, and has a big and massive plan for the whole world. But to slowly consider the breadth and depth of biblical material on God’s design and plan for the nations is something many Christians can easily go a long time without doing. Hays is keen to speak into that, especially motivated by the lack of serious biblical exegetical material addressing race-relations. He thus has two aims in the book - first, to present an overview of the Bible’s teaching on race and the nations, and secondly, to apply that teaching to the dominant race issue of Black and White division in present-day America, by particularly focussing on the Black Cushites in Scripture.

(I found the book often fascinating and very stimulating. One small niggle I have is Hays’ usage of the language of ‘race’. I know it’s hugely complicated deciding appropriate language in this area, and what seems to be culturally acceptable keeps shifting at a dizzying rate. Hays is absolutely respectful and admirable in his writing throughout. Personally I just find it more satisfactory to speak of one human race, rather than different races; the one human race being made up of many ethnic or cultural or social groups.) 

What follows is a not especially refined list of quotations or points I found to be the most interesting or compelling or significant from the book. 

1. It’s shocking how entrenched racism is amongst Western White evangelicals, including in recent academia. It’s not helped by how “evangelicals have a tendency to define problems in simple terms and to look for simple solutions. The race issue, on the other hand, is extremely complex.” (p18) 
2. The White church urgently needs to wake up to the fact that it is not the centre of Christianity. Never mind the Middle-Eastern origins of Christianity, “In 1900 80% of the Christians in the world were in Europe or North America. Today that percentage has dropped to 40%.” (p21-22) 
3. There are very few ‘Whites’ in the Bible! Despite the centuries of art and the plethora of illustrated Bibles and films full of blond-haired Jesuses and blue-eyed Moseses… “Such images play powerful roles in shaping popular perceptions about the Bible, and these popular perceptions in turn have a serious impact on the theology of the Church.” (p25) Not only are White images imported into the Bible but, startlingly, the Black Cushites are often airbrushed out of the Bible, as various Bible Atlases and surveys of biblical peoples reveal. (pp26-27)
4. To clarify the previous statement, the occasional Bible character may have had Caucasian features, like Uriah the Hittite or Goliath the Philistine. But Israel and her Semitic cousins “were not blue-eyed, blond-haired Caucasians; they did not look like White Americans or White Britons. They looked more like modern Arabs.” (p34)
5. The creation account in Genesis 2 underscores most clearly that “all people of all races are created in the image of God… the quality that distinguishes humankind from the animals is shared by all the races of the earth.” (p50) A penetrating implication of this is that “to ridicule someone created in the image of God is to ridicule God”. (p51) 
6. The so-called ‘curse of Ham’ is “one of the mot serious and most damaging misinterpretations of Scripture” on the subject of race. (p51) This distorts the curse God pronounces in Genesis 9:25-27 on Canaan, and “implies very clearly the theological view that the imposition of slavery on Black Africans by White Europeans and Americans was in fulfilment of a prophecy by God as was, therefore, justified.” (p54) Although “Old Testament scholarship today views this position as exegetically ridiculous, the connection between this curse and the slavery of Africans continues to be taught to the church via commentaries that are reprinted and for sale even today.” (p53) 
7. The Table of Nations in Genesis 10 lies within the context of sin and scattering of Genesis 1-11. It “is not an ethnic map tracing the development of three races, but rather a complex picture of people-group affiliations based primarily on political and geographical associations.” (p63) Genesis 10 (Table of Nations) and 11 (Tower of Babel) "hold in tension two opposing aspects: ‘the unity of the tribes and nations as of one blood under God’s blessing and their diversity into many languages under God’s wrath’ (Walkte, 2001: 162).” (p60) 
8. In Genesis 12 onwards, “God focusses on Abraham not to be exclusive, but to use this individual and his descendants to bless and deliver the entire world.” (p61) The promises to Abraham, chiefly that “all peoples on earth will be blessed through [him]” and his offspring (Gen.12:3), are truly foundational for the whole Bible story. 
9. Did you know that earliest Israel included Black people? Hays explores the fascinating historical and cultural context of Egypt at the time of the Exodus, and we observe how “a mixed crowd also went up with them” (the Hebrews) out of Egypt (Exodus 12:38). Brueggeman (1994:781) boldly concludes that “earliest Israel was not an ethnic community”. As the people of God go through their seminal deliverance, and are constituted by God dramatically at Mount Sinai, on their way to the Promised Land, they were actually a multi-ethnic gathering. “Included with the biological descendants of Jacob were other Semitic peoples (probably Arameans, Amorites, Canaanites, etc) as well as Black Africans from Cush.” (p68) Cush is south of Egypt - modern-day Sudan. 
10. Throughout the Torah, once foreign ‘sojourners’ / ‘aliens’ (gērîm) are circumcised, they become equal to Israelites in religious aspects. Even at these earliest stages of the development of the people of God, “participation in the celebration of Yahweh’s great redemptive act was not based on birth or ethnicity, but rather on relationship to Yahweh and his covenant.” (p70) 
11. The massive figurehead Moses marries twice - both times interracially. Both are interesting and instructive. First (with Zipporah), “Moses apparently marries into a Baal-worshipping priestly family!” (p70) This is before Moses encounters God, and there is no indication that Yahweh approves. The pair seem to separate later but are reunited when she joins the Yahweh-worshipping community of Hebrews. The Torah consistently warns against an Israelite marrying someone of a different religion. Such a person joining Israel is a different matter though. 
12. Later (Numbers 12:1) we read about Moses marrying again - this time a Cushite (Black African). This interracial marriage seems to provoke opposition from Moses’ family. (The pairing is not unreasonable, despite the incredulity of older commentators [see 7 above].) Whilst Moses’ sister Miriam strongly disapproves, God clearly approves, welcoming the Cushite and severely punishing the Hebrew Miriam for her rebellious opposition. (pp71-77) 
13. Torah prohibitions on intermarriage are often misunderstood. They have “absolutely nothing to do with race or physical appearance.” (p78) The reason is always theological - about the snare of other gods. When people from other nations come to worship Yahweh there are examples of them being welcomed into the people of God. In fact, given the theological implications of point 10 above, and the entire biblical theology of God’s plans for the nations, “interracial marriage is strongly affirmed in Scripture.” (p80) Any who presently feel uncomfortable must recognise God’s plan of blessing for the nations, and that “inter-ethnic marriage is the litmus test of racial prejudice” (Isichei, 1995: 107). 
14. Which Old Testament figures are recorded as experiencing the wonder of righteousness being credited to them by God? Many will recall Abraham (Genesis 15:6). But also, Phinehas (Psalm 106:31). Who’s he? Phinehas is a priest who plays an important role in the genealogy of Exodus 6, and a vital mediatorial role in the dramatic Numbers 25. The name ‘Phinehas’ is an Egyptian name meaning “the Cushite” - that is, one of the Black inhabitants of Cush. The precise significance of the name is unclear, but “the Egyptian word nehsiu (from which ‘Phinehas’ derives) does not just mean ‘dark skinned’, but is rather an explicit reference to the ethnic inhabitants of Cush.” (p84) It is therefore most likely that this early priest of the Hebrews, Phinehas, was black. If you’re wondering about the relation to Aaron, check out Exodus 6: Aaron’s son seems to have married a Black Cushite and Phinehas is their son. “Imagine the different route American Christianity might have travelled if the translators of the King James Bible had known Egyptian and had thus translated ‘Phinehas’ as ’the Negro’. The early Americans would have read that God made an eternal covenant with ’the Negro’ [Num.25:13], that all legitimate Israelite priests are descended from ’the Negro’, and that God credited righteousness to ’the Negro’. With such clear texts available, it would have been extremely difficult to defend slavery or to maintain any type of superiority-inferiority racial views.” (p85) 
15. According to both biblical and other historical records, “Throughout the entire period of the Israelite/Judahite monarchy (1020-587 BC) Cushite soldiers were frequent visitors in Israel and Judah.” (p103) They even fought alongside the Judahites against Assyria: “Judah, while being ruled by the righteous king Hezekiah, was allied with a Black pharaoh and the Black Cushites against the Assyrians.” (p100) (At that time, Egypt was under the control of the Cushites.) 
16. The prophets and psalms paint a consistent picture of God blessing the nations and bringing them to an ethnically mixed gathering of worship of the LORD (pp105-130). “Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no others.” (Isa.45:22) / “Then will I purify the lips of the peoples, that all of them may call on the name of the LORD and serve him shoulder to shoulder. From beyond the rivers of Cush my worshippers, my scattered people, will bring me offerings.” (Zeph.3:9-10) That “shoulder to shoulder” phrase reminds me of Paul’s desire for the no doubt ethnically mixed Philippian church: “that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel” (Philippians 1:27). 
17. “Ebed-Melech [the Cushite] plays a key role in the story of Jeremiah and in the tragic account of the fall of Jerusalem, as recorded in Jeremiah 38 and 39.” (p130) The people of Jerusalem violently opposed God’s prophet Jeremiah, throwing him down a cistern with royal permission, to let him starve and die a miserable death. Ebed-Melech, a Black foreigner is the unlikely intercessor who saves Jeremiah’s life (38:7-13). “The text stresses his Cushite nationality, referring to him as ‘the Cushite’ four times.” (p131) Sadly many commentators fall back on a common and damningly revealing assumption that Ebed-Melech must have been a slave, even though the biblical text and many other sources show that he was most likely a high-ranking military official. Ebed-Melech subsequently receives a rare and precious personal oracle of deliverance from the LORD, and “becomes the representative of an important remnant - the remnant of faith” (p137) - “I am about to fulfil my words against this city through disaster, not prosperity… But I will rescue you on that day, declares the LORD; you will not be handed over to those you fear. I will save you; you will not fall by the sword but will escape with your life, because you trust in me, declares the LORD.” (Jeremiah 39:16-18) Ebed-Melech “foreshadows the future inclusion of the nations that is prophesied by Isaiah and others, an inclusion of both Blacks and Whites, an inclusion based not on nationality or ethnicity, but on faith.” (p138) 
18. The New Testament is set in ethnically very diverse contexts. Jesus and the Apostles proclaimed the gospel to an ethnically diverse world. (p156) 
19. How ‘pure’ a Jew was Jesus? Matthew’s genealogy of Christ mentions four unusual women: “first, all of them have some type of scandal attached to their entry into their Israelite marriages; and second, all of them have Gentile origins or connections.” (p159) The result of this is to “highlight the mixed nature of Jesus’ lineage purposely.” (Keener, 1999: 79-80). 
20. With the Samaritan woman in John 4, the “first ‘cross-cultural’ evangelistic encounter was undertaken by the Lord himself, thus establishing the pattern he lays down in Acts 1:8.” (p160) 
21. In the New Testament world, there was extremely deep and painful mutual animosity between Jews and Samaritans, stoked by atrocities committed by both sides. “The layman Philip, followed by the apostles Peter and John, carried the gospel successfully across this cultural and ethnic barrier… Sociologically and misiologically, Philip’s action was extremely profound, for he was able to put aside the generations of prejudice and hate that were an integral part of his own culture.” (p164) 
22. Two accounts from the time shed light on this severe animosity. “First, while Copernicus was procurator (AD 6-9) some Samaritans secretly joined some Jewish Passover pilgrims and entered the Temple with them. Once inside the Temple, they desecrated it by spreading human bones in the porticoes and in the sanctuary. This action was ‘about the worst desecration possible’. (Ford, 1984: 83; Joesphus, Antiquities 18:29-30) Second, in AD 51 people from the Samaritan village of Ginae murdered one of more - the sources contradict - Jewish pilgrims on their way to Jerusalem for the Passover. The Jews appealed to their Roman rulers for justice, but the Romans ignored them. An unruly ‘mob’ from Jerusalem then went down to Ginae, massacred all of the inhabitants, and burned the village to the ground. (Josephus, Jewish Wars 2:232-235; Antiquities 20:118-136; Tacitus, Annals 12:54).” (p166) 
23. “Throughout the book of Luke, ‘hearing’ is always authenticated by ‘doing’. Therefore, if we Christians today are to hear Christ in [the story of the Good Samaritan], our theology must be reflected in our actions. We must do racial equality and not just think racial equality.” (p172) 
24. Interestingly, the conversion of the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts 8 comes “before the conversion of Cornelius in Acts 10, which symbolised the Roman world. The Ethiopian eunuch was also converted several years before Paul received his Macedonian call to take the gospel onto European soil.” (p175) The gospel thus reaches Africa before other Gentiles, Rome, or Europe at large. 
25. In Paul’s letters, he “does not obliterate the differences” between people; but “what are obliterated are the barriers formed by these differences and the relative value and status among the people of God based on these differences (Dunn, 1993: 207-208).” (p186) 
26. In Colossians 3:11, Paul concludes a section on how Christians are to live out the new lives Christ has given: “Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.” It seems to me that one could appropriately amplify those loaded and succinct last few words as follows: “Christ is all [that defines us, rather than any ethnic or social difference], and is in all [of us who believe, irrespective of our ethnic or social identity].” 
27. The book of Revelation shows the multi-ethnic make-up of the final and redeemed people of God in the new creation several times. “The ethnic races of the world will be mixed together and brought together in worship of God. We in the Church today need to ask ourselves the question as to why our earthly churches differ so much in composition from the congregations depicted in Revelation.” (p199) 
28. The final chapter of the book states seven synthesising conclusions: (1) The biblical world was multi-ethnic, and Blacks were involved in God’s unfolding plan of redemption from the beginning. (2) All people are created in the image of God, and therefore all races and ethnic groups have the same status and unique value that results from the image of God. (3) Genesis 10 and the Abrahamic promise combine to form a theme that runs throughout Scripture, constantly pointing to the global and multi-ethnic elements inherent in the overarching plan of God. (4) Racial intermarriage is sanctioned by Scripture. (5) The gospel demands that we carry compassion and the message of Christ across ethnic lines. (6) The New Testament demands active unity in the Church, a unity that explicitly joins differing ethnic groups together because of their common identity in Christ. (7) The picture of God’s people at the climax of history portrays a multi-ethnic congregation from every tribe, language, people and nation, all gathered together in worship around God’s throne.

In a short while I will try to put together some applied thoughts that flow out of all of this, both for my situation here in West Africa, and for my home context of the UK.

"We have So Much to be Thankful For"

“We have so much to be thankful for...”

I’ve not yet had the privilege of meeting the woman that this saying is attributed to (in our family at least).

Jonny’s grandma was, so I’m told, frequently reminding herself and others of this wonderful truth. In fact, so memorable is the phrase and important the sentiment, Jonny’s family often quote her to one another with smiles on their faces. What a wonderful thing to be remembered by!

I cannot wait to meet Jonny’s grandma. I thank God that one day, by his grace, I will see her in the glorious new creation. Until that day, I’d like her refrain to become mine. 

Perhaps you might make it yours too?

“We have so much to be thankful for...”

Thankfulness is something I’ve been prompted to think about again recently.

On Sunday morning last week, I was teaching the children at church Jesus' parable about the mustard seed. We’d been learning about how God’s Kingdom appears to be like a tiny mustard seed. But when the good news of Jesus is spoken out, the Kingdom will grow to be bigger than we can even imagine!

As we were coming to a close, I asked the children what they would like to pray for.

 

One dear girl Nene said, “Aunty Beth, we should thank God for our lives.”

Now I have to admit, when I asked the question, I was hoping for something a little more in line with the passage. But as I processed her sentence I was utterly undone.

A 13 year old girl wants to thank God for her life!

It's not the first time I’ve heard this sentiment here.

Many times I’ve heard adults and children pray “Thank you God that I’m alive.”  

It amazes me every time. I’d never heard that prayed in the UK.

One dear girl Nene said, “Aunty Beth, we should thank God for our lives.”

At SOW (the Bible School where we work) last Saturday during the morning prayer and praise time, one of the students, N, exhorted us to give thanks to God with these words: “Thank God now that he has allowed you to see this day. Many did not wake up this morning. Many did not see this day. Many bodies are now in the ground. Thank God that he has given you life today.”

As crude as it might sound, to ears unaccostomed to hearing of "bodies in the ground", N’s call to thanksgiving was so compelling to me. 

There is so much healthy truth here for us to learn from, if we are willing.

1. God has allowed you to see this day. He controls our lives. God knows our beginning and our end. And God has graciously given today to us. Thank God, today is ours.
2. Many did not wake up this morning, but we are awake! We can drink coffee and eat breakfast and go to work or read a book or visit a friend. We have today! We have today when so many others don’t. Let’s not waste today.  
3. Many bodies are now in the ground. But ours are alive! Our hearts are beating, our blood is pumping. We may be in the ground tomorrow but we have today. 
4. Thank God he has given you life today. Our life is a gift. God has given today to us. Let’s take it! Let’s take it with both hands and a grateful heart.

N's words and the words of Nene at church made me realise how ungrateful I can be most days, starting with the fact that I can count on one hand the number of times in my thirty years that I’ve started or ended the day with the prayer, "Thank you God for my life".

Perhaps people pray such prayers of thanks here because they are more deeply aware of the fragility of life, and dare I say it, live with much less of an assumption that life will be long and full of health and happiness. 

No doubt it's partly because:

Disease is common,

Doctors are expensive,

Ambulances run out of petrol,

Hospitals are resource poor. 

Death is simply a much bigger part of people's experience of life from beginning to end.

Of course I would love to see malaria eradicated, and everyone here to have access to the world-class healthcare that many of us have the privilege of accessing in the UK.

But I wonder if, growing up in a place where access to such things is simply not possible gives one a truer sense of the reality that life is not in our hands. As the prophet Jeremiah said "Lord I know that people's lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps."

People here seem much more willing to accept that life and death are not within their control. But amazingly, rather than leading to bitterness and hopeless despair, this ‘life awareness' in many friends I have the privilege of knowing here leads to gratitude for the lives and days that they do have. Gratitude to the God who has given them life.

Perhaps people pray such prayers of thanks here because they are more deeply aware of the fragility of life.

One very dear friend C has, in the last five years, lost both her husband and her eldest daughter. She’s a single mum having to raise her younger daughter alone. She has experienced such painful loss. She has in many ways so much cause for bitterness and blame. And yet she gives thanks to God for her life. 

People like N, C and Nene amaze me every day. In some ways they are so poor, but I know when it comes to gratitude they are infinitely richer than me. And they are my teachers here. 

I want to be more like them. I want to live a life full of thanks to the God who has given me life.

I'm certain it's not always easy to do. I’m sure that's why the Bible writers have to keep reminding God’s people to ‘be thankful!”

Jonny reminded me recently of Paul’s words to the Thessalonians: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

God really wants us to live a life full of thanks (and joy and prayerfulness!).

To my shame there are days when I struggle to come up with one single thing to thank God for, when of course there is a wealth of reasons to be thankful.

I wonder if you’ve ever felt the same?

Well, thanks to Nene, C, and N, on days when I’m scratching my head, I’ll resolve to begin here: “Thank you God that I'm alive”.

Even saying the sentence aloud reminds me of what a joy it is! And it makes further thanks flow.

Try it now!

“Be joyful always; pray continually; gives thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

We’re alive today. Alive to enjoy knowing Jesus and being useful in service to him. Alive to enjoy loving and serving the friends and family he’s given to us. Alive to enjoy God’s beautiful world. Alive to enjoy the precious promises of his word.

Thank God with me that we are alive today!

And of course if we are trusting in Jesus we know that even if tomorrow God calls us home, we will be more alive then, in that glorious new creation than we will ever have been in this short life.

"We have so much to be thankful for."

Indeed we do. 

"I'm Not Cut Out For This"

Whilst chatting to some dear friends during our summer in the UK I told them a story of a moment last year when I uttered the words, through desperate tears, “I’m not cut out for this!” (I actually said *a lot* more than that but I can’t write up *all* that came out of my mouth here. In response to my story my lovely friends said, “Ah there we go! We need more of those stories from you Beth…”

So this week’s post is one of those stories. (I assure you there are many!) Today's story intends to make you smile (at my idiotic fear of bugs), and to encourage you - whatever you face today, if at any level your heart screams,“I’m not cut out for this!” / “I can’t do this” / “It’s too hard” / “I’m tired” / “I want out”... - to encourage you to keep going. 

---

When we moved into our precious Gambian home last November, we quickly discovered the house already had more than a few settled residents - and not the sort one usually likes to share a home with. These particular creatures have wiry brown hair, piercing black eyes and long spaghetti-like tails. Needless to say, we were keen to move them on pretty fast and, after trying a whole number of other methods, we resorted to poison, carefully placed in the gap between our ceiling and the corregated iron roof - where these unfortunate creatures called home.  

And then the wait began...

We continued to hear the loud “thud, thud, thudding” in the ceiling above (rats here are HUGE) in the weeks ahead, every evening when we, and they, returned home. But then slowly, very slowly, the “thud, thud, thudding” tapered off. Finally the Human vs. Rat war was over. The rats had moved on, so to speak... We’d won!

But here’s where things began to go downhill...

I’m sure most *sensible* people know that if you put out poison in order to dispose of a rodent, one must subsequently actually *dispose* of said rodent. 

This vital piece of common sense however slipped two minds in the naive Burgess household and, as we all know, actions (or inactions) always have consequences...

Let me tell you what happened one fateful Sunday.  

On this particular Sunday Jonny was preaching at our church. As is common on such Sundays he woke horribly early to read, pray and generally prepare his mind for the morning ahead.

As he sat at his desk on our little veranda he began to hear a strange sound. A very soft ‘Pop, pop, pop’ caused his ears to prick up and his eyes to search for the source.

Unable to discover where the sound was coming from Jonny continued to read, but then noticed something out of the corner of his eye, in the corner of his desk...

Something moving. 

Something squirming. 

Taking a closer look Jonny discovered the presence of several small squirming maggots! 

Wondering where on earth these creatures had appreared from Jonny looked up and saw some small holes in the plywood ceiling. The maggots were falling through the ceiling!

It seemed poor Mr Rat (now evidently long dead) was exacting some horrible revenge upon us. 

  

GROSS! 

Now, Jonny and I had only been married for a few months, but that was long enough for Jonny to decide it wasn’t at all necessary for him to share his desk discovery with me that morning...

So as he continued at his desk (maggots dutifully discarded), I sat down at our dining table to begin cutting out 50 Abraham finger puppets. (I was teaching the children that God makes and keeps BIG promises from Genesis 12 - such great truth!). But then, unaware of Jonny’s earlier experience, out of the corner of my own eye I saw something.

Something moving.

Something squirming.

A few more little beasts wriggling upon our floor tiles. 

Needless to say - I. FREAKED. OUT. 

I shan’t say more than that for now.

We were running late for church (as usual) so, maggots cleared (my husband is a hero), we left the house in the usual, but slightly heightened, Sunday morning frenzy.

Later that day we returned from church and, faced with the prospect of a free Sunday afternoon, I sat outside under the cool of the mango tree to read for a while. It wasn’t long befor the the sun got too hot for me so I went indoors. And then it happened. 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw something on my t-shirt. 

Something moving. 

Something squirming. 

Already on high maggot alert it wasn’t necessary to take a second glance. 

Needless to say -

I. SERIOUSLY. FREAKED. OUT. 

I can’t quite remember what I said but it was very loud, very high, and along the lines of… 

“JONNNNNNNNNY!” 

“AGHHGHGH!” 

“URGHHHHHHH!” 

“BRRRRRRRRH!” 

“CCCRRUMBULLAA!” 

“BAAAAAAAAAA!” 

And then, when some level of sense and grasp of the English language had returned to my stupid head, (remember Jonny had absolutely no idea what was going on - for all he knew his wife had suddenly been possessed by that cartoon Tasmanian devil that used to feature in Loony Toons), I screamed:

“Its a MAGGOT!” 

“Urghhhh a MAGGOT!” 

“It was ON ME!” 

“Urghhhhhhh!” 

“A MAGGOT ON ME!"

“Baahhhhhh!”

And then the declaration came: 

"AGH Jonny. I'm not cut out for this!"

Followed by LOTS of ridiculous and dramatic declarations. I trust you know the ones I mean; the kind you make when you’re freaking out and have had enough…

“I can’t live in a house with holes in the ceiling.” (Not true and actually pretty easy to rectify.) 

“I hate this house.” (Not true.) 

“I hate The Gambia.” (Also not true.) 

“Maggots keep falling on top of me.” (Again not true…) 

A dear friend and SOW student, delightedly holding a dead rat (thanks to Rufus) to my utter dismay...

So there we go. 

One moment (amongst many) where I have believed and stated, “I’m not cut out for this.”

 "AGH Jonny. I'm not cut out for this!"

N.B. The event above happened six months ago but I was prompted to write both by my dear friends (thanks bro and sis Mitchell!) and because yesterday, whilst eating a grapefruit a second maggot popped itself onto my t-shirt. Yep. Again, I freaked out in a manner equivalent to, if not more ridiculous than that mentioned above. 

It’s moments like these when I genuinely believe I’m not able to remain here in The Gambia. 

Now bear with me for a moment.  

I’m fully aware that the above scenario could have happened anywhere. Maggots live and breed in the UK.  (When I mentioned the above story to some friends my own pathetic tale was completely outdone by their own gross UK maggot story!) 

Maggots fall on people’s t-shirts outside of our house in the Gambia I’m certain.  

And that’s kind of the point.  

The moments when I say to myself, or shout aloud to my longsuffering husband, “I can’t do this!”, I make myself believe that there is something extraordinary about my circumstance that warrants escape.  

I allow myself to think things that simply aren’t true (e.g. you don’t get maggot issues in the UK).

Of course, it’s not just maggots.

There have been many other things that trigger a similar line of thought in my mind: unspoken and confusing expectations, or being in a constant underlying state of non-understanding (both of the various languages spoken here and the various cultures that so influence people), to name just two. 

In these moments I allow myself to think, “If only I were in the UK I wouldn’t be facing this horrible / confusing / scary / difficult situation...”

But when I force myself to think rationally for a moment (it happens occasionally), I realise this isn’t true at all. In fact it’s complete nonsense. The truth is I had many similar “I can’t do this” moments during my 29 years on earth in the UK before moving to The Gambia. I’m certain I uttered the words “I can’t do this” multiple times during my five happy years heading up the church’s youth and women’s work in Fowey. The same goes for my year as a church intern in Cheltenham. And I distinctly remember multiple late-night caffeine-induced “I’m not cut out for this” breakdowns whilst studying for my degree before that. 

So the “I’m not cut out for this” line of thought is really no new notion in my world.

I’m actually quite familiar with the feeling, both in the UK and overseas.

I wonder if you are too? 

Perhaps you’re a teacher at the beginning of a new term, faced with a class of new names and faces and a whole heap of targets. You’re just a few weeks in and you’re already feeling exhausted, thinking “I’m not cut out for this”.

Perhaps you’re retired and missing the buzz or routine of work and the life you used to live. You’re uncertain at what the future will hold, fearful of how your health will hold up, and not completely sure of how to fill your days. You too are exhausted, thinking “I’m not cut out for this”.

Perhaps you’re a parent. You love your kids dearly, they are the most precious thing in the world to you, but your days are filled with demands and duties, washing and cleaning and cooking, school runs and swimming clubs from dawn till dusk. You’re tired, thinking “I’m not cut out for this.”

So what do we do when we feel this way?

One option (that I frequently opt for) is to ignore it. Life happens so quickly, a new day (or new demand) comes, you face the next thing, and you forget you were feeling this way.

That is an option. The trouble is, before long the notion creeps in once again. And then again. And again. 

A better approach (I find) is to turn to the Scriptures, God’s glorious life-giving word to us.

Because, just as the cry, “I’m not cut out for this” is a familiar feeling in our world, it was also true of many dear saints in the Bible. 

Take Paul for example - the great Apostle Paul.

In 2 Corinthians 12  Paul records that he is struggling with some serious difficulties that will not go away. He famously calls his trouble, whatever it is, his ‘thorn in the flesh’. In fact it’s so troublesome to him, he’s been begging the Lord to take his hardship away, but the Lord doesn’t. Now I’m reading between the lines here but I wonder if there is a part of Paul that is crying out, ‘Lord, I’m not cut out for this’. ‘I can’t carry on with things the way they are’. ‘I could serve you better if only the situation were different.’ ‘Take this hardship away and everything will be fine.’

Sound familiar?

This is often the way I feel.

But see what the Lord says to Paul:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I think the he is saying:

“Yes Paul, you’re right; you’re not cut out for this at all.”

“On your own, in your own strength and resolve you cannot continue.”

“But Paul you are not alone.”

“I am with you.”

“I have promised never to leave you.”

“And just as I have saved you for a glorious eternity, not because of anything good in you but because of my grace towards you, so my grace will be 100% enough in this situation; in the midst of your frustration and weakness you will find my strength all the more present.”

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

The Lord doesn’t say he will take away Paul’s difficulty. He doesn’t say he won’t either.

He actually says very little about Paul’s circumstances. Instead, wonderfully, he takes Paul’s eyes off himself and places them firmly upon the Lord Jesus.

It’s grace that would enable Paul to endure difficulty and continue to serve Christ.

It’s grace that would give Paul joy in his heart and fire in his belly in the midst of frustrating and confusing circumstances.

It’s grace every step of the way.

And friends, it’s the same for you and me. 

When we feel in our hearts “I’m not cut out for this” or cry aloud “I’m done” we need to remember our God's glorious enabling grace.

It’s a promise.

A promise of help in times of trouble.

A promise of assistance in moments of weakness. 

A promise of strength to help us go on.

“...in the midst of your frustration and weakness you will find my strength all the more present”

And in my experience this grace comes in all kinds of ways...

Encouraging words from a friend, a perfectly timed phone call, a thoughtful email, an unexpected free moment in the day to stop and enjoy something beautiful that God has made...

Only this morning I came home having taken a school assembly in circumstances that felt pretty impossible and completely confusing, feeling totally spent, thinking, “I’m not cut out for this.”

And as I sat down to write this post I received two messages from dear friends asking how I was and how they could pray!

Grace, right there in the form of dear friends, reminding me that they care, reminding me I have a God who cares...

And of course whether friends message us or not, all of us at every moment day or night have available to us a glorious means of Gods grace in his precious word the Bible, and in the privilege of prayer. 

So if you’re feeling spent today, remember this glorious promise:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Remember the grace that is yours in Jesus Christ. 

Remember his strength that will be present in your weakness. 

Remember the help that our precious Saviour promises to give, in every circumstance, until he returns.

And enjoy the grace that he will surely give.

Oh what blessedness accompanies devotion,

When under all the trials that weary me,

The cares that corrode me,

The fears that disturb me

The infirmities that I press me,

I can come to thee in my need

And feel peace beyond understanding!

The grace that restores is necessary to preserve, lead, guard, supply, help me.

Every new duty calls for more grace than I now possess,

But not more than is found in thee.

('Grace Active', The Valley of Vision)